(英语高手看过来,帮我修改一份英文的自我介绍)的修改后文章在上篇文章中,每一位高手都让我受益非浅.对文章的多处作了修改,另外又添加了一些之前工作的经历,忘各位高手有空来看看哪里

(英语高手看过来,帮我修改一份英文的自我介绍)的修改后文章在上篇文章中,每一位高手都让我受益非浅.对文章的多处作了修改,另外又添加了一些之前工作的经历,忘各位高手有空来看看哪里
(英语高手看过来,帮我修改一份英文的自我介绍)的修改后文章
在上篇文章中,每一位高手都让我受益非浅.对文章的多处作了修改,另外又添加了一些之前工作的经历,忘各位高手有空来看看哪里还需要修饰,
6 months ago I was graduated and joined in the Shanghai ** Furniture Company,Ltd,and became a member of the society.My first job is a trading assistant,I know there is much knowledge I need to learn clearly.The knowledge which I learnt from books is very limited,so I want to learn more knowledge from works to increase my social experiences.
In my first job,my main work is taking charge of part of the correspondence works in company,and translates product introductions into Chinese,and contact with our supplier and so on.Usually,the customer from other countries,I will pick them up and arrange them to the hotel to take a rest.At the time of working,I am responsible for record products information which the customer require we needs to modified,for example where need to be improved,where unqualified,etc.After that,I need to tell the information to our workers which places to need to be improved and insuring finished products can make customer satisfied.
Because of my major in college is Business English,I hope to find a job which is relative to my major,so that I could master the profession knowledge as quickly as possible,then make them into practice.In the trading field,there are good chances everywhere,but only a prepared man can catch it.However,I think profession is not the only standard for my job-hunting.
Through your company's web site,I know you are a big sock business company basically,and take a more share in the market.I want to get into a regular company to practice myself better,and make more profits for the company.Although I didn’t have more profession knowledge in cottoncracy field(纺织业,),but I believe “everything is possible”.As an excellent graduated student,I think the most advantage is that I have strong ability of consistently learning new things.No matter what I do,I should have a good ability to accept new business and master it in a short time.That’s the reason why I choose your company.
Shanghai,as a fashionable,modern,metropolitan city of China,is located with millions of Multinational company,overseas-funded enterprises,which will need a lot of persons who have comprehensive knowledge,so I’m learning Japanese,computer skills in my spare time.
I want be a prepared man,so that I could catch the chance when it is coming .If you choose me,I think I won’t let you down.

(英语高手看过来,帮我修改一份英文的自我介绍)的修改后文章在上篇文章中,每一位高手都让我受益非浅.对文章的多处作了修改,另外又添加了一些之前工作的经历,忘各位高手有空来看看哪里
修改后,只是语法等方面.不过你如果真的是商务英语专业的话,你就不要看我的了.我只是按照自己的思路改了一下,把你那些明显的中国式英语改了一下.
6 months ago I graduated and joined the Shanghai ** Furniture Company,Ltd,became a member of the society.My first job was a trading assistant,I knew there was much knowledge that I needed to learn .The knowledge which I learnt from books was very limited,so I wanted to learn more from works to increase my social experiences.
At that time,my main work was taking charge of part of the correspondence works in company,translated product introductions into Chinese,and contacted with our supplier and so on.Usually I picked customers up who came from other countries ,and arranged the hotel .During that time ,I was responsible to check out products information taht customers required ,such as something that needed to be improved,somthing that unqualified,etc.And then,I had to tell our workers these information ,to make some improve and make customers satisfied.
Because my major is Business English in college ,I hope to find a job relatived to my profession,so I could master the professional knowledge as quickly as possible,then make them into practice.In the trading field,good chances are everywhere,but only a prepared man can catch it.However,I think profession is not the only standard for my job-hunting.
Through your company's web site,I know your company is a big sock business company basically,and goning to take more share in the market.I want to get into a company like yours to practice myself better,and make more profits for the company.Although I didn’t have more profession knowledge in cotton traed field(纺织业,不知对不对?),but I believe “everything is possible”.As an excellent graduated student,I think my advantage is that I have strong ability of consistently learning new things.No matter what I do,I have good ability to accept new business and master it in a short time.That’s the reason why I choose your company.
Shanghai,as a fashionable,modern,metropolitan city of China,is located with millions of Multinational company,overseas-funded enterprises,which will need a lot of persons who have comprehensive knowledge,so I’m learning Japanese and computer skills in my spare time.
I was so prepared that I could catch the chance when it is coming .If you choose me,I won not let you down